51Things Emmett Cullen Can't Do Anymore
by Heather94
Summary: Here are 51 Things That Emmett Cullen Cannot Do Anymore. These stories are why The Indifferent Child Of Earth wrote the 51 things that Emmett Cullen is not allowed to do.
1. Chapter 1

**#1 Emmet, you cannot imagine Bella naked in Edward's presence just to annoy him.**

**EMMETT'S POV**

We (meaning the vampires) were all sitting in the front room watching the news. The reporter was talking about the latest murder. "Kristy Slaws, a little girl about seven years old, was on her way home from a day at school. Her parents reported her missing when she didn't arrive home after several hours of waiting. She went missing two days ago, just about five minutes away from her home. The police located her body in the woods around midday today. She was found with cuts on her hands and arms, and bruises on her back and neck."

I snatched the remote from Jasper and turned off the TV, everyone had their eyes on me within half a second. "Turn it back on, Emmet," Edward said, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"No! This is too boring! We need to do something or I think I might die of boredom!"

"Okay Emmet, what do you have in mind?" Edward replied.

"Hmmm. How about…a mind game? You feel up to it Edward? Or are you scared?"

"Well if I am it's not because of you! Bring it Emmet!" Edward got up and sat on the couch; I did the same but seated myself on the couch opposite him.

"Okay then, I'll say three clues and you have to try and guess what I'm thinking of. Okay?"

"Okay, go for it," Edward said as he closed his eyes.

_Hmmm, okay so the first clue is…you love it. The second is…I make fun of it a lot. And the third is…it's a girl._

"Okay, so now that I gave you all the clues, you need to tell everyone what you think it is. Then I'll show you if you're right or not," I told him, smiling.

"Okay then, the object is Bella, right?"

_Yep, now take a gander at this Eddy._ Edward had a look of growing suspicion on his face as I tried to hold back a wave of laughter. I slapped the image in my mind, knowing full well that I was going to get the ass kicking of the year for it. The image was Bella…but she was naked. I imagined her getting more and dirtier.

The impact came faster than I expected. Edward tackled me to the floor, crushing my rib cage and putting me in a head lock. "GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEAD NOW! OR I SWEAR I WILL BEAT IT OUT OF YOU!" I could feel the anger course through his body, and I was sure that Jasper must have been going crazy. I took the image away thinking Edward had had enough, yet he didn't let go of me.

We sat there for a few minutes, and he never loosened his grip on me. In fact, he squeezed harder. "Ouch! Okay I already stopped like five minutes ago! Why aren't you letting me go?"

His reply was, "Because I'm seeing that Alice just had a vision and I'm not so sure that I want to let you go just yet."

"Okay then, Alice what did you see?" I said trying to turn my head to look at her but not succeeding.

"I saw you walking around school thinking about Bella naked just to torment Edward. Only, Edward can't do anything to you because of all of the people around," she stated, looking from Edward to me.

"Well, I didn't think of that, but thanks for the idea Alice! Edward, I hope you have fun tomorrow!" I said smiling as best I could with me still in his grip.

"Great! That's just what I need! Someone else to annoy me at school!" he said, getting up from the couch and glancing at Alice. "You know that Mike kid? Well, you should be glad you can't read his thoughts."

"Why is that?" Alice said, looking inquisitively back at him.

"The way he looks and Bella, and what he thinks about her…it makes me want to say something to him, but I can't because he is _thinking_ it. Sometime he pictures himself kissing Bella in front of me. It makes it so hard for me to just walk away."

"Wow Edward. That must really suck! I mean I get pissed off when h]guys just look at Rosalie, I can't imagine what it must feel like to see what they think about doing with her," I said glancing at Rosalie and nodding.

"You have no idea." Edward replied flatly.

--The next day at school--

"Hello Bella. How was your night?" Edward asked, looking completely obsessed. It made me gag.

"It was great! But you already know that! You were there of course," she said it with the same look as Edward.

_Okay, wow, I really didn't need to know that Edward. _I thought._ Hah…hey Edward, do you remember yesterday's game?_

"Emmet, don't even think about it! I swear, if you do I will personally rip you apart and burn you within five minutes!" he said this without even glancing in my direction.

I didn't care what he does, so I put the image of Bella in my head for Edward to bask over._ Here Edward, just how you like it! _I made the image as dirty as possible and kept it like that. I waited for a second, expecting him to tackle me or something of that sort but it never came. I looked at the spot where Edward had been but he was gone. _Oh well, I'll get him later!_


	2. Chapter 2

**#2 Spread rumors that the reason Edward never had a girlfriend before Bella, is because he's gay… #3 and he has a huge crush on Jasper **

**EMMETT'S POV **

_Oh my god! This class is so boring! Why do I have to go to Math every day? Hmm, maybe I'll just start a ridiculous rumor today. Who should it be about though? I could ask Angela what she thinks, but if I tell her then she would know that it's not true…I'll just ask her to pick a name. _I picked up my pencil and a piece of paper and scribbled down 'Okay, who do you like the most at our school? And don't worry, I won't tell anyone, I promise!' and passed the note to Angela. She looked at the note and glanced back at me with a skeptical look on her face, I gave her a reassuring look, and she took her pencil and began writing.

About ten minutes after I gave her the note, she returned it. She had put Edward's name on the not with 'if you tell anyone I will kill you' written as a side note. _Ha, ha! Sweet! Okay, now to make something up about Edward. Hmm. Well he hasn't had a girlfriend for the whole time he has been here, and turned down every girl here, and then suddenly after Bella showed up, he's dating her. What would I think about that if I didn't know Edward?_

_Hmm, I would have probably thought he was gay and just hiding it by having Bella as his girlfriend. That's it! I'll tell everyone that he's gay! And one thing that would make the whole thing better, is if he had a crush on someone. Someone like…hmm…Jasper! Oh man, I bet when Angela hears this she'll cry herself to sleep. Oh well! And if I can get someone to believe it, it would probably get around by the end of the day! But who would tell everyone at the school? Hmm, I could probably tell Jessica, but that probably won't make it through the whole school, she just talks to the people she knows. Oh! What about Eric? He would tell everyone that's within a five mile radius! Ha. This is going to be good!_

Five minutes later the bell rang. I grabbed my books and was the first one out the door. _Okay, time to find Eric. _I walked to the lunch area and within a few seconds, I had my eyes on him. "Hey, Eric!" he turned around to see who it was that called his name, he looked at me, and as soon as he saw me coming towards him, he spun right back around and went the other way.

"Hey! Hey, Eric! Wait up man! I want to tell you something! Trust me, this is worth listening to!" I said, jogging a little bit faster than a normal human pace to catch up with him.

"What do you want? I'm really busy right now, okay?!" he said, whirling around to face me, only I don't think he remembered how big I am because when he turned to face me, he shrank back as if he just remembered he was terrified of me.

"Did you hear what's going around about why Edward never had a girlfriend before Bella?" as I said this, I could see that I really had his attention.

"No, I didn't! Why hasn't he? I mean do you know why he hasn't had a girlfriend before Bella?" he said, moving closer to me. I took one step back before starting again.

"Well, the reason he hasn't had a girlfriend until Bella, is because he's gay! Ha, ha, I heard it earlier today!" I paused for a second because Eric had apparently lost his balance and became whiter than me. "Whoa. Hey, are you feeling okay? Your face just turned really green…" I said backing up even more. I really didn't want to get puked on.

"Oh…umm, I'm okay, I think. I just didn't see that coming!" he said as a little color came back to his face.

"Yeah, I don't think anyone did, to tell you the truth," I was already facing the other way when I finished the sentence. ," I was already facing the other way when I finished the sentence. "_And_ he has a huge crush on Jasper!" as I was walking I heard him rushing to the cafeteria, probably to tell someone else about this little fib…or to hurl.

"Hah! This is going to spread like wild fire!" I mumbled to myself.

I walked into my next class and set my books down on the table. I looked up at the board to see what I need to get out for class and I see Edward in the front row, glaring at me. _Oh crap! I totally forgot that Edward was in my fourth hour class! Damn! I didn't want him to find out about what I told Eric until he heard someone else's mind think about it. Oh well. I bet he won't tell Bella about it, which would be way better for me because if Edward told her that I made it up…it wouldn't matter that I'm a vampire, she'll kick my ass harder that anyone ever has!_

Edward got up from his seat and slowly walked to my table. "Hello, Emmett," he said, as he put on a very, fake smile on his face.

"Why, hello Edward! How was your day?" I replied, returning the same smile.

"Well, it was going good…until I heard what Eric was thinking…about what you told him. At first I was just going to ignore it, until I heard him think your name. Then, he _really_ got to thinking about the conversation that he apparently had with you." He seemed like he was trying not to tackle me right then and there. "I am _so_ going to kill you when we get out of here. No, wait…better yet…how about I tell Bella just what you and Eric discussed?" he whispered this so that I was the only one to hear. I turned to look at him, to see if he was joking; he wasn't. He was smiling but it was more malicious than anything else.

"You wouldn't do that to me Edward, would you? You know that she would kick my ass if she found out. You really wouldn't put me through that, right?" I mumbled back, giving a slight smile at the end.

"Well, I didn't think that you would spread a rumor like that one, so you really don't know what I might do!" he laughed evilly.

**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoAFTER SCHOOLoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**

I was the first one to the car, so I sat there waiting for everyone else to get to the only nice car in the lot. I looked around and saw Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper on their way to my huge jeep. _Where is Edward?_ Then it hit me, he was probably going to give Bella a ride home and tell her the whole story!_ Oh crap! I better tell Rosalie that I love her now because I may never see her again!_

"Rosalie," I said, just as she reached the car. "I just wanted to tell you that I really love you."

"Ugh, Emmett, what did you do this time? Oh wait, never mind, Edward already told us. You are going to die when he tells Bella!" she said starting to laugh.

"Yeah, I know. So just know that I really love you Rose," I said, bowing my head.

"Oh come on, it's your fault. You shouldn't have started that. I mean, you are really stupid for that because you know that Bella is able to kick your butt harder than Edward ever could!" she replied, still laughing.

I pulled into our driveway, only to see Edward and Bella sitting on the hood of his silver Volvo. "Ha, ha! You're in trouble now Emmett!" Rosalie mumbled, right before I opened the car door.

When I stepped out of my huge Jeep, Bella began to walk towards me, laughing. "Very nice Emmett! But I do think you could have come up with something better than that! I mean, that was just weak!" she said, to my relief.

"Sigh! I was seriously about to pee my pants Bella!" I said beginning to laugh.

"Emmett, vampires can't pee."

"Yeah I know that's how scared I was!"

After I said that everyone was laughing. And if vampires could blush, I would be bright red. With a good mood dancing around, they entered the house for another good time with the family. I waited a few minutes before entering, just to clear my mind. Only, as I entered the room, I got a very weird stare from everyone. Everyone, except Edward and Bella, who had smirks on their faces.

"Okay, what's up?" I said, with an uneasy expression on my face.

"Emmett, did you seriously make a fat Barbie, sell it to a little girl, and then tell her that's how she is going to be when she grows up?" Rosalie asked with a horrified expression.

"No, why would I do that?" I asked, confused. Then it hit me, Edward and Bella loaned this. I stared at them and said, "What is up with you guys?"

"Well Emmett, now you know how it feels," Edward choked out, trying not to laugh.

"Ugh, you guys suck!" Everyone just laughed as I jokingly stomped out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**#4 Paint Edward's Volvo tie-dye… #5 then say it was Bella's idea**

**Emmett's POV**

_Ugh! I'm so bored! Hah wow, I'm bored a lot! I wonder how many times a day I am actually bored? Hmm, maybe I should start counting–wait what am I saying? God, how bored can someone actually get? I bet no one could ever be this bored…maybe I should go try and hang myself. I mean I know it won't harm me in any way shape or form, but at least I would have something to do…oh wow. I'm sitting here talking to myself. Okay, I gotta stop this, I mean, this is really weird, and who talks to themselves?? Ugh! Why am I still talking to myself???_

I get up from the chair I am sitting on to go outside to find some rope. I open the front door and it makes a huge creaking noise. _Ugh. I really need to tell someone to fix that. It's been annoying me for weeks now._ I take my first step out the door and a huge gust of icy cold wind hits my face. And if wind feels icy to me, then it must be FREEZING outside.

I look around as I stand in our driveway. I see the woods near the house and try to imagine what I could do for fun in there. Then as I glanced at Edward's Volvo, I remembered how Alice wanted to repaint her car a different color. I stood there, thinking about that…then it occurred to me that her car isn't here right now. She and Jasper went out…in fact, everyone was out. Carlisle took Esme, Edward and Rosalie to the movies. So…what can I do while they are gone?

A smirk crept onto my face, and without really realizing it, I went to get around 6 different colors of paint. When I had all of the cans, I found myself walking to Edward's Volvo.

**Edward's POV**

Carlisle just turned around the corner and entered the woods in which we lived. Esme and Rosalie were talking about the movie we just saw. I didn't really even watch it so I had no idea which part they were discussing. I was deep in thought about what I wanted to do today with Bella when Carlisle interrupted my thought process.

"Edward, whose car is that?" he said as he turned into our drive way, "It looks kind of like your Volvo."

I looked to where he was pointing and I immediately knew whose it was. It was mine…only it was painted tie-dye. I opened the car door, even though Carlisle wasn't stopped, and ran to see who was home. I knew someone from our family had done this as a practical joke, knowing that I wouldn't find it funny.

I smelled someone as I walked in. I ran up stairs to find Emmett, covered in green, yellow, orange, red, purple, and blue paint. "Emmett, what the hell?!" I screamed, jumping over his couch and shoving him up against the wall.

"Hey, take it easy man! I don't even know what you are talking about!" he told me, trying to block his mind from me.

"You know exactly what I am talking about! And don't even try to lie to me Emmett!" I said pushing him harder as he struggled against me. His big head had already started to dent the beige wall.

"Okay, fine you caught me! My mind was taken over by this zombie type thing and it made me eat all of your socks," all he did this time was smile.

"Oh really, Emmett? So if I went to my room right now, I would find all my socks missing as well?"

"Yes. Wait…as well? What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean Emmett. Don't play dumb."

"Okay fine. You really did catch me. But I can explain, I swear!" he said as he got down on his knees.

"Okay, let's hear your explanation then," I said, taking one step back and crossing my arms.

"I was talking to myself, and I couldn't stop. That is truly how bored I was! And then the next thing I knew I was covered in all this paint and your car was tie-dye. I really didn't know I was doing it at the time, I swear!"

"Yeah right Emmett. Why would I believe you? Okay, look. I won't do anything to you, or even try to lecture you about this. But you _have _to get my car back to the way it was. Do you understand me? And if it is not back to how it was before then you will get it. Okay?"

"Okay, I understand Edward," he started to bow at my feet.

I rolled my eyes and threw my keys at him. "Take it to the shop and get it repainted to its normal color. I don't trust you with painting it yourself anymore."

I left the room and went downstairs. I could hear Emmett following me, but he was just far enough behind that I couldn't see him. I went to find Carlisle to see if maybe I could use his car so that I could go see Bella until Emmett returned with my car.

I found him in the kitchen with Esme. Carlisle was talking with her about my car, and how he thought that I should have taken the car myself to the shop. They had appearantly heard mine and Emmett's conversation. I heard the creak of the front door and a few moments later the slam of a car door.

The car shop was only a few minutes away from the house so I knew he would be back within half an hour. This was just enough time to see Bella right quick and make some plans with her for later tonight.

I walked into the kitchen and said, "Carlisle, can I borrow your car for a little bit? I want to go see Bella."

"Yes, of course you can Edward," he said reaching into his pocket.

I left the house and drove quickly to Bella's. I ended up staying for over an hour without really thinking of home or Emmett the whole time. The only thing that really brought me out of the trance I was in from Bella's presence was the ring of my phone.

I answered my cell, "Hello?"

"Oh, Edward. Um, I would try to explain now but I think it would be best if you just see this. So, I think you should come home now," Carlisle said as he was laughing. I could also hear laughter in the background.

"Um, okay. I'll be there in a bit," I hung up the phone and turned to Bella. "I have to go for right now. Carlisle told me there is something I should see at the house, they are in hysterics from laughter right now so I better make sure Emmett hasn't died."

"Okay, just call me later or stop by my window," she winked at me as she said this. I leaned over and kissed her, then jumped out the window, for Charlie didn't know I was in her room. I got home within a few minutes. I didn't see my car so I guessed it was in the garage. I walked inside to find everyone there still laughing.

Carlisle had finally sobered up enough to escort me to the garage. When he opened the door I found my car. It was decorated with pink clouds, rainbows, unicorns, and a picture of Richard Simmons. Furious, I turned around to see Emmett, his head curved around the door frame.

"Surprise...Bella told me to do it!" he frantically exclaimed.

The only thought in my head was he should better start running.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Well, I really hope that you liked it! Please review!!!! And this next one is going to be really funny too, well, all of these will be funny so I'm just going to stop saying it. lol The next one that I will post won't have much of the Cullen's in it, it is mostly at school. So as I said before, please review and tell me what you think!**

**Love ****Heather94**


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